Feel Something
by lovelovelove22
Summary: Set during New Moon when Edward is gone, but Bella doesn't have Jacob to be her sun. She needs to a way to know that she can still feel something, anything. What will Edward think when he returns? Rated M for profanity, cutting, and sucidial thoughts.
1. Alone

**Yay, new story! This takes place when Edward is gone in New Moon, but Bella doesn't have Jacob to ease the pain. She finds another way to release the anguish she is feeling. This is rated M for cutting, suicidal thoughts, and language. It's not overly dark, but it will get bad, so you've been warned.**

BPOV

He doesn't love me. Maybe he never really did. I sob escaped from my chest as I lay on the floor, curled up into a ball. I let myself scream and cry until I feel someone warm at my side.

"Bella?! Honey, what's wrong?" Charlie's voice is sleepy but still urgently frantic in my ear, and I want to scream even louder. How does he not understand what has happened to me? How can he not grasp how hard this is for me? My soul mate, the man I love; gone forever.

Because he doesn't love me.

"Bella, please." Charlie is pleading with me now, trying to pull me to my feet. I yank away from him, my hands clawing at my face.

"He doesn't love me." I choked out, more tears flooding down my cheeks. Saying it out loud makes the realization sting that much more, making me frantically pull away.

"Bella, it's alright." Charlie tried to comfort me, but I only became angrier. How dare he. No one can fix my life; no one can fill the hole he left in me. I couldn't even speak his name, let alone think it. Charlie's feeble attempts at comfort eventually ceased, and I heard him leave the room, pausing at the doorway. I hadn't realized that my tears had finally stopped.

"Bells, I'm going to work." Charlie said softly. "Call me if you need anything. I'm here for you."

I was alone again. I stumbled into the bathroom, one thing on my mind. I need to _feel _again. Since he left it's been like nothing registers in my mind; I'm numb and broken.

My usually clumsy fingers locate what I need in seconds, ripping open the package of razors. In a split second, a fresh, gleaming blade is in my hand, poised over my quivering arm. I need to feel again. I plunged the cool, silver blade into my forearm, delighted in the feeling. I wasn't completely numb. I could still feel physical pain.

After make a jagged cut on my forearm, I stopped. The feeling left too. Desperate, crying, I shoved the blade into my skin again, over and over again until I was satisfied. Actual pain. It made me want to be happy and scream all at the same time.

His face ran through my mind, harsh and disapproving.

"_Don't do that."_ His voice crooned, sweet yet angry. _"Don't you dare hurt yourself because of what I did to you."_ I pulled the blade away from my skin, and his voice was gone. Letting out another sob, I slashed myself with the blade again; rejoicing when his velvet voice sounded in my head.

"_What happened wasn't your fault, Bella! Stop, stop hurting yourself!"_

The voice eventually faded and I dropped the blade on the floor, staring at myself in the mirror.

So much blood.

I snapped into action, finding rubbing alcohol and gauze in the medicine cabinet. I eagerly doused the rubbing alcohol over my fresh wounds, feeling the sting and relishing it. I then securely wrapped my arm in gauze, pleased when the blood no longer seeped through. I scrubbed the floor with bleach, rubbing all traces of my blood away. I wrapped the blade is tissue and threw it in the trash, under a pile of tissue and an old magazine.

I can feel again.

And it feels good.

**So, kind of a short chapter. But I will update ASAP. The other Bella's I've written deal too well with rejection and pain, so I decided to make this story just to relay a different emotion. Please review.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	2. Blood Flow

**This takes place a month after Bella first cuts herself.**

BPOV

I heard his voice every time I cut myself. He was pleading with me, trying to make me stop.

But when I stopped, so did the voice.

So I continued. My cries no longer woke Charlie at night; he was so used to it. I snuck into the bathroom every night, crying as I finally was able to feel again. One day in particular, though, I couldn't feel _anything_. Nothing. No pain, no grief. His voice never entered my head, even though I viciously plunged the blade in over and over again.

I desperately sobbed when his voice failed to sound itself.

I noticed how much blood was flowing from my arms, and I felt myself getting sick. The scent made me nauseous, and I lunged for the toilet, retching and crying. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even make myself _hurt _anymore.

The blade was glinting in the light, winking at me from the floor. Without thinking, I picked up the blade and held it positioned above my arm, the tears falling faster down my face. I plunged the blade into my flesh, not stopping when the pain finally came. More and more blood poured out of me, pooling onto the bathroom floor. His voice eventually entered my mind, and my tears were of relief.

"_Bella! Stop, you're killing yourself! Bella, please, stop hurting yourself. What I did to you isn't your fault!" _

Charlie suddenly rushed into the bathroom, shouting something into the phone, ripping the blade from my hand. I sobbed into his shoulder, and he wrapped me in a blanket, whispering into my ear.

The flashing lights and wailing siren pierced my eyes and ears, and I continued to cry. I heard frantic voices, felt pressure on my arms.

And everything went black.

EPOV

I pressed my head against the car window, closing my eyes when we passed Forks. Carlisle turned slightly to look at me, along with Jasper and Esme. I could make out the flashing lights of an ambulance. Carlisle sighed heavily.

"I'll have to get to the hospital right away." He said grudgingly as his beeper went off. Emmet pulled the car over in front of the hospital to let Carlisle get out. He kissed Esme gently and disappeared into the hospital mere seconds before the wailing ambulance pulled up to the doors. I could hear the thoughts of the drivers, and squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to drown them out.

_Get her inside right away, Dr. Cullen just arrived. She's lost to much blood._

Emmet pulled away from the hospital and I breathed a sigh of relief. My family members were all silent, but I suddenly noticed Alice tense up and clench Jasper's hand.

I was about to ask what she had seen, but all she was thinking about was a movie she and Jasper had watched last night. Alice was concentrating on the movie _way _to hard, and I knew immediately she was trying to hide something from me.

"Alice." I said in a warning tone, my voice cracked. I hadn't spoken in a long time. Alice nervously tousled her hair and shot a pleading look at Jasper. I felt a warm wave of calm wash over me, and I strained to fight it off.

"Jasper, stop." I snapped, my voice painfully hoarse. "Alice, what did you see?" I asked gruffly.

_Please, let nothing happen to Bella._

"Edward, I think we should wait until Carlisle gets home. He needs to be a part of this." Alice rubbed my shoulder and smiled apologetically.

I rolled my eyes and turned to look out the window again, my eyes not focusing on anything.

I _couldn't_ focus on anything.

**Another short chapter, sorry. But I will update soon and make the next chapter longer.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	3. The Scars

**Thanks for the reviews! Please R&R!**

CPOV

I strolled the familiar halls of Forks Hospital, headed to the ER to tend to a patient who had attempted suicide. Apparently, the patient had lost a lot blood and was in and out of consciousness. A familiar freesia scent tickled my nose as I neared bed 4, and I tensed immediately.

Bella.

Nurses were in a flurry around me, trying to stabilize her. Charlie stood off to the side, tears in his eyes. He caught sight of me and gritted his teeth, surprised.

"Dr. Cullen?" Charlie furrowed his brow, and I saw how red his eyes were. "I thought you took a job in California…. What are you doing here?" I smiled and clapped his shoulder.

"My family decided it was time to return." I lowered my voice. "Edward has been a little…unresponsive. My wife and I thought it best that we brought the family back. The kids are starting in school again, and the hospital hadn't filled my position yet, so they took me back." I explained, and Charlie's eyes grew a little angry. He must be so angry at Edward for what he did to Bella.

"Bella has taken it badly as well." Charlie said hoarsely, more tears brewing in his eyes. "Obviously." He looked over at Bella, shifting slightly on the bed.

"Charlie, why don't you go get some rest? Bella will be fine." I assured him, and he walked away, wiping tears from his eyes.

I turned to Bella, lightly touching her forehead.

"Bella?" I whispered, trying not to alarm her. "Bella, can you hear me?" The nurses were still bustling around her, hooking her up to machines and getting her ready for a blood transfusion. Bella shifted again and looked at me through her eyelashes, stunned.

"Carlisle?" She croaked, opening her eyes further. "What are you- Is Edward here?" She asked breathlessly trying to look around.

"No, Bella. He doesn't know yet. But I assume Alice knows." I gently pushed her down against her pillows. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she turned her head away.

"Don't tell him." She said through her teeth. I realized I had no idea what had happened to her.

"Don't tell him what, Bella?" I asked, checking over her charts. I motioned for the nurses to leave.

_Self-inflicted injuries….no. She couldn't have done something to hurt herself._

"Show me your arms." I said gruffly, reaching to unwrap the fresh gauze covering both arms. Bella yanked away, sobbing, hugging her arms close to her body. "Bella, show me." I said forcefully, wrenching one of her arms out, slowly unwrapping the bandages there. Bella gave up and slammed her head back into the pillow, holding back more tears and biting her lip.

Her bare skin came into view, and I sucked in a breath. Scars, both old and new, marred her delicate skin, creating a web of disfigurement. Letters were carved into her skin, and I immediately saw what they spelled. H.E.D.O.E.S.N.O.T.L.O.V.E.M.E. Bella was looking at my expression, her face apologetic and guilty. I tenderly wrapped her arm back up, patting her arm reassuringly.

"Bella, why did you do this?" I asked, my voice low. A flood of fresh tears escaped, and Bella looked downward, almost like she was afraid. "It's because we left, isn't it." I stated the obvious, and Bella let out a wail.

"Yes." She whispered, still refusing to look at me. "He told me he didn't love me anymore." Bella cried, picking at her bandages. "And then you left." Her eyes suddenly met mine with blazing fury. "Don't tell him." She hissed, pleading with me.

"I won't." I swore. "But Alice….." The minute I spoke her name, I spotted Alice tearing through the ER, her eyes burning gold.

"Bella, what the _hell_!" Despite how angry she was, Alice pulled Bella into a hug. "How could you do this to yourself?" Bella sobbed again and clung to Alice.

"Don't tell him!" She begged, breaking down into a fresh batch of tears. "Please!" Bella laid back on the bed, wincing slightly. Alice and I both tensed.

"What's wrong with your back, Bella?" I asked, motioning for her to sit up. She refused.

"Bella." Alice snarled through her teeth, prying Bella up into a sitting position, untying her hospital gown. Bella dropped her head into her own lap, defeated.

Even more scars marked her pale back, only in places her arms could reach; her shoulders and upper arms.

Alice silently ran one finger over the scars, barely touching the inflicted skin.

"I won't tell." She promised, whispering into Bella's ear. "But he wants to see you." Bella took a shallow breath and nodded.

"I want to see him." She rasped, blotting her tears.

**Okay, so thanks for reading. Please review….I will update ASAP!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	4. Edward

**Woot, woot! Update!**

BPOV

"I want to see him." I begged, wincing a little. Carlisle and Alice shared brief look and I clutched Alice's cold hand. "Please." I added in a whisper.

"Maybe you should-" Alice started, but Carlisle cut her off.

"Alice, go call him and tell him that he should come as soon as he can. But don't tell him anything that will upset him." Carlisle murmured, and Alice whipped out her cell phone. "We're going to move you to a private room, Bella." An orderly appeared behind Carlisle and the two of them eased me into a wheel chair, although Carlisle could have done it on his own.

The scars on my shoulder screamed in protest, but I gritted my teeth. Alice was already in the room, hissing into her cell phone. She looked up when I came in.

"She's here. Just please calm down!" And she hung up, smiling oddly at me. "Bella, he's going to freak out. I need you to lie, tell him that you just slipped on the ice. That's the story Carlisle and I agreed on." Carlisle secured a small bandage on my forehead.

"There." He patted it down and smiled. "He won't suspect anything." Carlisle grabbed Alice's arm and led her from the room. "I'll send him in."

I lay in the bed, a blanket draped around me to conceal the bandages on my arms. My head was pounding and I closed my eyes, letting the day wash over me. I could feel again. He was back.

"Bella." I blinked and he was standing before me, looking even godlier than I had remembered. "Are you alright?" He whispered, pressing his lips against my forehead, wincing at the sight of the bandage there. I was lucky he couldn't see the state of my arms and shoulders.

"I'm fine, Edward." A tear of happiness escaped down my cheek. Edward looked alarmed and drew back, his eyes wide.

"What's wrong?" He asked, panicky, wiping away the tear. "Does your head hurt?" I noticed how rough and cracked his voice was, and how black his eyes were.

"No. I'm fine." I assured him, touching the purple markings under his eyes. "What _happened _to you?" I asked.

"I've missed you." He said simply, bowing his forehead so it touched mine. "When Alice told me you hurt your head, I came as fast as I could." Edward murmured, his familiar cold fingers prodding at my forehead. "What did you do?" He asked, and before I could stop him, he lightly peeled the bandage off my forehead.

I knew there was nothing there, and he froze when he saw nothing but smooth, pale skin. His brow creased and his jaw clenched. Emmet and Jasper were at his side in a flash, each of them grasping one of his arms. I could see the muscles in his arms straining, trying to push his brother's off.

"What the fuck happened to you?" He roared, trying to twist out of his brother's strong grasps. He had never talked like this, at least not in front of me. "Bella!" I let the tears fall down my face, holding my head in my hands. "Tell me what happened!"

"I'm fine!" I sobbed, and Alice was suddenly at my side, hugging me close to her tiny body.

"Edward, stop!" She snapped, her eyes pleading. "You're scaring her!" It was true. I had never seen Edward act like this. He was enraged, demonic, and I didn't know this side of him.

Edward immediately slumped, Jasper and Emmet supporting all of his weight.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, and when he looked at me, he was the Edward I knew and loved. Emmet and Jasper cautiously released him and he dropped to his knees at the side of my bed. "For everything." He said in my ear, his cool breath washing over me; so familiar and comfortable.

I ran my hands through his hair and smiled weakly.

"Are you going to leave again?" I asked hoarsely, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"No." He swore, kissing me fiercely; with determination and longing. I broke away, gasping for breath. "I love you." Edward murmured, his breath tickling my cheek.

"I love you too." I smiled and touched his arm lightly. He pressed his nose to my cheek and froze. Jasper slowly clasped his shoulder.

"Let's go, Edward." Edward backed away from me, rigid. His eyes were deathly black. Alice tensed at my side, clutching my hand again. "We need to hunt." Jasper said under his breath, looking at me timidly. He still blamed himself for Edward leaving me.

Edward smiled at me as Emmet and Jasper walked him out of the room. I took a deep breath and settled back onto my pillows, my heart racing. The familiar sensation of tears welling in my eyes took over, and I let them crash on my face, startling Alice.

"What's wrong?" She asked, cupping my face in her hand.

"He's gone." I wailed, trying to compose myself before I totally and completely lost it.

"Edward is coming back." Alice assured me, stroking my forehead. "He'll be back in a couple of days. Sunday night." She promised. "And he's going to take you to school." Her lips quivered a little but I hardly took notice, and she continued.

"Everything is going to go back to normal."

**Think again, Alice! Things **_**aren't **_**going back to normal anytime soon! Again, thanks for the reviews. I appreciate it! I promise to update later tonight.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	5. Oblivious

**Sorry for not updating ASAP as I promised….m y fiancée Jensen and I were watching Princess Protection Program. Yeah, a 26 year old and a 27 year old sitting on the couch, eating cookies and watching a Disney Channel Movie. You're jealous.**

BPOV

"Aren't you hot?" Edward's velvet voice sounded in my ear, and I jumped. It was late Sunday night, and Edward had just returned from his hunting trip an hour after I was released from the hospital. Although I was lying on the floor, pressed against Edward's freezing body, I did feel hot. We were in front of a roaring fire, and I was wearing a bulky sweater to conceal my bandages.

"No." I lied, feeling the familiar rush of blood on my face. Edward laughed and caressed my hand.

"It's alright, Bella. Just go put a tee-shirt on." He patted my cheek. "I'll be here waiting for you." He added.

"I don't want to get up." I said stubbornly, longing to scratch at my itching, sweltering arm. Edward rolled his eyes but planted a soft kiss on my collar bone. His hand started to roll my sleeve up, and I yanked away from him automatically, breathing heavily.

"Don't!" I yelped, trying to maintain my blush. Edward's face rapidly grew concerned, then angry.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He growled, his beautiful eyes flashing between butterscotch and black. Between the man I loved and the 'monster' who couldn't control himself. "What happened to you?!" He asked in a pleading tone, covering my face with kisses.

"Nothing." I said, resting against him again, this time lying on my stomach so that my arms were buried under my body. "It's not a big deal." I tried to smile, but Edward didn't look convinced.

"Alice and Carlisle have been careful around me." He said lightly, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. "_Too _careful." He added gruffly.

I buried my face in his bare chest and inhaled lightly, relishing his scent.

"Bella, I need you to talk to me." Edward said, his voice heavy. "Or I'm going home." Despite my longing for him, I didn't speak. There was a long silence, and Edward chastely kissed me on the lips. "I'll pick you up for school tomorrow." He murmured, getting up and buttoning up his shirt, his jaw taut and his eyes livid.

"Edward-" I reached for him, but he just gave me a small smile and left.

_Again._

Why did he have to leave me? Could he not see that I was still broken? Still hurting?

I stomped upstairs, peeking out the window to see if Edward had really left. His Volvo was gone. Charlie had gotten rid of all the blades in the house; including my razor, the kitchen knives, and a pair of scissors. But he didn't know about the temporary razor I had bought a few months ago and never opened. Truth be told, I had forgotten about it until this very moment. As I rooted around in my hardly used make up bag, my phone trilled in the same moment as my fingers found the handle of the razor.

The screen on my phone flashed one name; one now familiar number. Alice.

"Bella, stop it!" She snapped before I even greeted her. "Put that razor down!" She added in a very hushed whisper.

"Calm down, Alice. The feeling is gone." I lied, but set the blade on the edge of the bathtub. "It was just a momentary thing. A lapse is judgment." I insisted.

"Fine. But if I find out otherwise….." Alice trailed off, and hung up, the dial tone buzzing in my ears. I picked up the blade again; I felt like it was mocking me. I let it lightly graze my forearm and bit my lip, making a shallow cut on my arm. I smiled in ecstasy, and dropped the blade.

I could still feel.

**Another short update…sorry. But tomorrow I am going to an all day baby-shower sleepover, so I won't be updating. But I will post a longer chapter either Sunday or Monday. **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie **


	6. Flashback

**This is a flashback of when Edward left Bella.**

Flashback- BPOV

I was painfully aware of the distance Edward kept between us as he led me into the woods, still in view of my truck. He took a sudden stop to face me, and I drew in a sharp breath.

His beautiful lips were set in a cold, hard line and his eyes were piercing.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and stared at me, his expresstion not changing. I fidgeted nervously and he lightly took my hand, stretching his arm out instead of moving his body closer to mine. The look in his eyes was pained, and his body was rigid. We stayed silent for a few minutes until Edward finally cleared his throat.

"I'm leaving." he said, his voice just as hard and cold as his eyes. Simple as the statement was, I couldn't wrap my mind around what he was saying.

"What?!" I choked out, finally grasping the meaning of his words. Edward's eyes met mine and I couldn't believe what I saw. Never before had I seen them so vicious, so insufferable.

"We're leaving tonight." Edward continued, looking away from me. "We won't be bothering you again. None of us." his voice was strained now, like he had to force himself to even speak to me.

The hateful way his eyes met mine tore my heart to pieces. Those butterscotch eyes that had invaded mine so many times, never to pierce me again.

"Let me come with you." I begged, lunging for him and wrapping my arms around his marble chest, tears forming in my eyes. "What happened with Jasper was nothing." I blubbered, frantically pressing my warm lips to his. Edward stiffened and gently pried me off of him, his eyes cast towards the ground.

"I don't want you to come with me." he said coldly, keeping me at arm's length. Pain shot through my body, and I collapsed onto the ground, sobbing.

"You don't love me?" I whispered, knowing he could hear me.

"No." Edward said, and I sobbed harder, pressing my face into the moist earth. He wrenched me off the ground in an attempt to make me stand. But as soon as his hands left my body, I dropped back to the ground, trembling and sobbing uncontrollably. I looked up at him and crumpled under his hateful gaze. "Stop crying." He murmured, curling his finger under my chin and yanking it upward so my eyes met his. Tears were streaming down my face so violently my vision blurred. "It'll be like I never existed." He whispered, lightly grazing my trembling lips with his own.

He turned his back, and was gone before I could even blink.


	7. Revealed

**Sorry about how long it took me to get this chapter up; I had a serious case of writers block and was focusing my story "How Long is Forever?", the sequel to "Highly Inappropriate".**

BPOV

I got ready that morning incredibly fast; I was already waiting outside, sitting on the porch steps; when Edward pulled his car in front of my house. He appeared at my side in a split second, holding his hand out to me. I took it and he situated me in the car before getting in himself and driving off. The car ride was silent, but Edward kept a hold of my hand, smirking whenever my heartbeat got out of control.

"You look tired." Edward finally said, not taking his eyes off the road.

"So do you." I teased, and Edward managed a small laugh. "I had a bad dream." I finally admitted, and Edward's eyes took a pained look.

"I'm sorry." He said, and I knew he wasn't talking about the nightmare.

"It's over now." I said softly, looking at him through my eyelashes.

We were pulling into the school parking lot and Edward didn't respond; just gripped the steering wheel tighter. I saw indents from in the shape of his long fingers. Still silent, he helped me out of the car and wrapped his arm around me, holding me close to his cold, stony side.

"I missed this." He whispered into my hair, kissing my ear gently, and then stiffening, his eyes darkening.

Mike had approached us.

"Hey, Bella!" Mike said, overly enthusiastic.

"Hi." I said shortly, leaning into Edward's side.

"Cullen…..what are you doing back?" Mike asked, and a quiet growl ripped from his throat that only I could hear, since my head was pressed into his shoulder. "Bella told me you were gone for good."

"Our family decided it was time to return." Edward snapped, and the rest of the Cullen's suddenly appeared behind us. "And now I'm _back _for good." He yanked me even closer to him possessively, and I winced a little when my soft body collided with his unyielding one. Mike must have noticed the animalistic look in Edward's golden eyes, and he took a step back.

"Oh. Well, welcome back." He said sarcastically, then retreated to his first class.

"What was _that _all about?" I asked in a hushed tone, even though I could guess.

"I didn't like the way he was looking at you." Edward said gruffly, looking over his shoulder at the rest of his siblings. "Or what he was _thinking_." He shuddered and smiled down at me. But the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Calm down." Alice chirped from behind us, and Edward snarled.

"Edward!" Emmet boomed, and half the hallway fell silent. "Uh, you dropped this pencil." He handed Edward a pencil, which Edward chucked back at him.

"Keep it." He said, pulling me down the hallway to our first class.

My scarred arm was starting to sting under his cool grip, an uncomfortable reminder of what had happened to us.

-----

It was late at night, and Edward and I were snuggled against each other on my bed; Edward's hands trailing up and down my stomach and leg.

"I love you." He breathed, and I inhaled his sweet breath eagerly.

"I love you, too." I said, unable to contain my smile.

"Do you know how _much _I love you?" Edward asked with a sly smile, and my heart broke into a sprint.

"Why don't you show me?" I whispered suggestively. I assumed he wouldn't continue, but his lips suddenly latched to mine and his hands squeezed my sides. I gasped against his mouth and I felt him smile.

My breaths were coming in haggard gasps, and my heart was pounding through my ribcage. Edward's hands nudged my sweater to the side, and his thumb drew a circle around my belly button, making my stomach drop.

Without thinking, I slipped my sweater off, and Edward roughly grabbed me by the shoulders.

"So this is what you've been hiding from me." He muttered, his eyes going wide at the sight of my heavily bandaged arms. Edward's eyes were dangerously dark.

"You tricked me!" I shouted reproachfully, anger seeping into my tone.

"You hid this from me." Edward stated softly, and I slumped down into his grasp, crossing my arms across my chest. "Let me see." He said, reaching for my arm.

I flinched away, desperately throwing my sweater back on; tears were starting to form in my eyes, which were stinging.

"You think that's going to stop me?!" Edward snarled, laughing. He ripped the sweater off of my body, and the tears in my eyes poured down, soaking my skin. Edward growled as he tore the bandages from my arms, his eyes growing more and more black with every passing second. "You did this because of me? Because I left?" He roared, roughly seizing my arm and gesturing to the scars there.

"Yes." I choked out. "I wanted to _feel _something- anything."

"And this was your solution." He whispered, releasing my arm and getting up off the bed, facing the wall. "**TO HURT YOURSELF**?!" Edward screamed, whirling around to face me. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Bella? You should have _talked _to someone, anyone!"

Before I could retort, I felt my body slump against the pillows a split second before I blacked out.

**Ok, I won't be updating for awhile, but I promise not to forget about this story again.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	8. Author's Note

**So…..I'm trying to break through my writers block with this story, so bear with me!**

BPOV

I felt like my eyes were stuck to my eyelids. But I could hear nearly silent footfalls all around me; so I forced my eyes to open.

Carlisle and Alice were standing around me, both looking extremely tense. I could see Edward standing in the doorway, an angry snarl on his lips. I also saw that Emmet and Jasper were both holding him back with nearly all their strength. Esme stood behind them, looking distraught. And Rosalie was nowhere to be seen.

"What happened?" I croaked, trying to sit up. Head rush. I fell back onto the bed and realized I was in Edward's bedroom, which now held the giant, fluffy bed I was situated on.

"I know what you did." Edward snapped from the doorway, his eyes burning black. "I saw what you did to yourself!" He shouted, fighting Emmet and Jasper's grip. "I can't believe you, Bella." He finally said quietly, slumping back against his brothers; looking totally and completely broken.

"I'm _sorry_." I rasped.

"Edward, stop." Jasper said, barely loud enough for me to hear. "She's scared." I felt Carlisle's cold hands prod the bandages wrapped around my arms and I yelped. I could see Edward tense against Emmet and Jasper's stone hold and I willed myself to be quiet.

"Let me go." He hissed, finally prying himself away. Emmet lunged for him again, but Edward was already at my side, lightly unwrapping the bandages on my arms. When my scars came into view he closed his eyes and inhaled lightly. Carlisle clapped a hand on Edward's back, restraining him.

"These," Edward gestures to the cuts I had made the day before. "are fresh." Alice growled and shot me an angry look. Edward's grip was growing uncomfortably tight and I wiggled a little bit.

"Stop it." Alice snapped, prying his hands off of me.

"I will when she does." He retorted, but dropped his hands.

**ARGH! INTENSE WRITERS BLOCK! I'm going to post this then edit it later when I get over it…see this as a small placeholder. **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	9. Together

**Last chapter….*sniffle***

BPOV

It's been two days, and Edward hasn't come to see me. I've been confined to my room by both Alice and Charlie, and I was completely miserable. If Edward were coming every night, the time would be bearable, but he wasn't coming. I opened my window every night, only to spend my night alone and wondering.

Did he hate me? Had he left again?

I would know in the morning, if he came to pick me up for school.

Again, I had a restless night; wondering and praying for Edward to appear.

-----

"Getting a ride to school today?" Charlie asked gruffly the next morning. Alice had told Charlie that Edward and I were fighting, and to keep an eye on me.

"I don't know." I said honestly. "I'll drive myself if he doesn't show, I promise." Charlie hesitated while putting on his jacket.

"Alright, Bells. Just…..be careful." He said, kissing my forehead before leaving the house.

I sat out on the porch steps for over a half hour, and Edward never showed up. I didn't bother driving myself to school; the tears in my eyes would have made it impossible to drive. I stomped up the stairs to my room, ripping my make up bag off the floor and searching for what I needed. What I needed to feel again. But I couldn't find it. The razor wasn't in the bag. Confused, I dumped the bag out on the floor, pawing through the contents.

"Looking for this?" A silken voice asked from the corner. I jumped and whirled around. Edward was mere inches away from me now; holding my razor between two fingers.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "But you haven't come to see me, I thought you had left again." Edward set the blade down on my nightstand.

"Alice." He said shortly. "And that's a pathetic excuse."

"Don't do this." I begged, trying to hug him. He was stiff and unmoving. "I miss you, Edward." He relaxed against me and buried his face into my hair. "I love you." I reminded him, softly kissing his neck.

"I love you." He said, leaning so that his forehead touched mine. "Bella…do you still want to….become a monster?" Edward asked quietly, making my heart skip a beat.

"No." I whispered against his chest. "I want to be like you, and you are no monster, Edward Cullen." Edward lightly pushed me away and stared at me.

"No, Bella. You don't know what I've done. I've killed people; innocent people. I've lied, murdered, coveted, and stolen. I _am_ a monster. It's who I am."

"Why won't you do this for me?" I asked, pleading with him. "All I ask is to be with you forever. You told me that it would happen, Edward. But when?" Edward turned around; his back to me. "Answer me!" I said angrily.

"You really want this?" He growled, not turning to face me. "You want to have to live each and every day craving something you can't have?"

"I've already done that." I murmured, and his shoulders tensed. "I crave_ you_, Edward. And when you left me….you have no idea what I went through. Who I became." We were both silent again, until Edward slowly turned around to face me.

"You could give all this up?" He asked, gesturing around. "Charlie? School? Angela, Jessica, Mike? Renée?"

"I'd still have you." I said quietly, intertwining my hands with his. "And that's all I want: To be with you forever and always."

**I'm so, so sorry I'm ending this story so abruptly but I'm quite stumped on it. But realize that in the very few months I've been on the site, I've written approximately 110,000 words for my eleven stories?! Whew! But I want to thank everyone for their support, and if I ever continue this story in the future, I'll let you know. Always, **

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


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